


Light & Shadow

by LannisterQueen



Category: World of Warcraft
Genre: F/M, although it focuses on their relationship, it isn't really a shippy fic, slightly angsty thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-31 09:55:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19423606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LannisterQueen/pseuds/LannisterQueen
Summary: Alleria had always known they had an expiration date.





	Light & Shadow

She knows they have an expiration date.

To be quite honest, Alleria always thought they would have. It is ironic how the reasons for it changed, but never the lingering feeling their relationship would not be forever. It is the reason she resists her feelings the first time: that they cannot be, that it wouldn’t be more than temporary, a fleeting affair bound to cause more harm than good (Turalyon would die and she would stay behind, centuries yet to live when he would be in luck to even reach a century of age with a lucid mind; that, of course, in the best case scenario: he was only human, and his race barely had time to learn love like hers knew). Amidst war, there is no place for romance, either --- and she knows that, at least while her mind is clear and focused, before grief will come to cloud her judgement. The Second War makes her lose much, more than she's able to deal with. She’s weak and vulnerable and not thinking straight, griefstricken, and goes to him in a way that she would immediately come to regret. They spend a single night together and Alleria pushes him away afterwards, unwilling to allow it to grow into anything more, unwilling to let go of vengeance as it begins to consume her; and the war ends and they remain apart, and she doesn’t even tell him of the child born of their single shared night. They have no future, she thinks; there’s no reason to tell him. She doesn't need him, either, more than able to take care of her son on her own. Once Arator is born, Alleria is quite certain she ended whichever flimsy chance they might have had to have something lasting. There would be no forgiveness for concealing something important as this.

But there is. They overcome distance and lower walls and forgive mistakes, unlikely as the possibility of it happening had seemed to be (manage it in the most dire of circumstances, away from their home-world and amidst yet another war). When they really get together in spite of the mess she made, Alleria tries not to be concerned with what will be (but it stays with her, the fear, the feeling this won’t last and she’ll be alone again). They had wars to fight, though, a life that would never be simple; unable even to return to their child in Azeroth, she would wonder at times if it was worth it, to be in this relationship while neither of them could dedicate to it entirely, unable to even plan a life together, unable to think of a family. They love each other; but love alone isn’t enough, and the knowledge of it is always with her. Turalyon becomes Lightforged, the Light’s power enough to overcome the obstacle found in his race’s short lifespan, but being together is all they have. It is enough, for the time being. 

It won’t be enough forever.

Then she strays from a path she had never chosen, trading the Light for the Shadows. He cannot understand, and it makes him horrified; but he does not shun her, neither is he mistrusting of her, and it is honestly more than Alleria had expected (Turalyon does not want to leave her even then, and the thought he still loves her more than she loves him wanders back into her mind, giving her a sense of guilt). It is she who leaves, out of her own volition, to pursue the dangerous path she chose to walk. Only the threat to his life --- to his very soul --- makes her return, to save him and Lothraxion from the demon that vowed to have vengeance upon them long ago. Alleria is powerful enough to fight, perhaps even to heal --- but she cannot heal him, _Lightforged_ , with Void magic. They tell her to leave before Xe’Ra notices her presence, but she is reluctant. He’s dying, and she wants to be sure he’ll be safe before going, needs to know lest the worry consumes her (perhaps their love is not so uneven, she thinks then, when faced with the almost permanent loss of him). If she's caught, so be it. In the least she would have known her actions had been enough to save him.

They’ve been through much, more than once in difficult places caused by her mistakes. But if there was a rift created by the impossibility of touch (by her choice to walk a path so opposed to his own), it is immensely widened by her imprisonment. He pleads for her life, but not for her **freedom** ; and she acquiesces to being imprisoned only out of powerlessness to face the Naaru alone (because she would have to; no one would fight that fight beside her, she realizes --- not even him). It is the first time she wonders if she loves him more than he loves her. Alleria would not have allowed anyone to take him without a fight, if one she would not be able to win. She doesn’t want Turalyon to die for her, much less when it would accomplish nothing; but the silent resignation wounds her. It sounds too much like an agreement, and she wonders if the only reason the Naaru allowed her to live was that in searching his heart Xe’Ra had found hope she would still turn away from the shadows and come back to their Light, if his love and trust went only as far as she remained the same as before or capable of returning to it. 

Turalyon doesn’t see her often, if at all, afterwards. Alleria never knows if because he did not try or because he wasn’t allowed to. She does not know if he’s aware of her treatment as a prisoner; if he knows the Naaru to have tried to force her to repent, to correct her _errors_. She does not know if he’s aware there are more marks upon her skin now than there were before; she’s fairly certain he knows there are more marks invisible to the eye, if he does not address those either. Alleria fears the answer, avoids the questions. Easier to pretend nothing is wrong (is it, when the pretending wounds her further?). Could he truly love what she had become? Did he insist on it only because his relentless faith ensured to him she would abandon the Void eventually? Did he not care it was a path not imposed on her but one chosen, one _she_ did not want to give up on?

At least she’s no longer alone, she thinks, once they are reunited and she is freed. 

It seems too little a consolation.

Alleria often wonders how long will it be before they are apart, this time permanently. The questions that never leaves her mind, the fear she has of hearing his answers, both make her feel that it won’t be long. Returning to Azeroth makes her certain they are running out of time. Without the war against the Legion, reuniting with their son, they finally have the time she once longed for, to be together and think of family, to try to build something in a foundation that is more than love. But if they could do it once, that time is long gone; she’s not the ranger he fell for, captivated by her beauty and spirited personality, not more than he is the timid paladin that caught her attention, before even dedicating himself so entirely to the Light. 

Once, she had looked at his brightness in awe, stunned by the light he possessed, so capable of inspiring. Now, it seemed to her there was too much light, bright to the point of blinding. His endless faith had been reassuring at times; no longer. She had seen the imperfections, those he blinded himself to; she had seen that the Light was not a benevolent force, just a force, capable of being wielded for injustice as well. She could see he would never love her darkness, only love her as something separated of it, when there was no separation, not anymore. A thousand years of war, fighting one battle after the other, did not leave them unchanged. They are too different, in ways more divergent than complementary, in ways that cannot coexist together. In ways that hurt each other at mere touch, that gnaw at her mind even standing beside him, that eat away his heart when he does so much as to look at her.

She knows they have an expiration date.

Sometimes she wonders if they are already beyond it, insisting on something that is already dead.


End file.
